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Welcome to Illogicopedia

The amusing, nonsensical encyclopedia that anyone can mess up.

Proudly making posts vaguely longer and more interesting than Twitter since some time in the past.

6,484 articles in English, rien en français und nichts auf Deutsch.

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What's the Point? Featured Article

What's the Point?

Danish pastry.jpg
So I says, "What's the point?"
The baker looks at me and says, "Ye' want a Danish or not?"
And I say, "No, I'm not very fond of Denmark thank you very much. I would much rather have a pastry similar to a bagel with no hole."
The baker stares at me oddly, "You mean a Danish."
I looked at him oddly as well, "No. I mean what I said. I don't like Denmark. The Little Mermaid? Terrible book."
The baker sighed, "Okay. I'll see what we have in the back."

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Chicken of the Sea

Image credit: Todd Lyons
Sea chickens freely roam the ocean floor, sporting a variety of attractive headwear, attending birthday parties, and playing indie rock and post-punk revival music.
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THE-DLEYITE Featured Author

THE-DLEYITE


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After a month of strange activity at the Illogicopedia, much chemistry was in the air. Those mad scientists had been at it again, and on this occasion their meddling caused more than just a two-week server blip... it created a monster that combined the very worst parts of The Definitive Articled One and a very hairy Tibetan yak. Somehow, by fair means or foul, that hideous being managed to win Illogicopedian of the Month.

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  Featured ArticleThis week's featured article:   What's the Point?

Danish pastry.jpg
So I says, "What's the point?"
The baker looks at me and says, "Ye' want a Danish or not?"
And I say, "No, I'm not very fond of Denmark thank you very much. I would much rather have a pastry similar to a bagel with no hole."
The baker stares at me oddly, "You mean a Danish."
I looked at him oddly as well, "No. I mean what I said. I don't like Denmark. The Little Mermaid? Terrible book."
The baker sighed, "Okay. I'll see what we have in the back."

Archive • Vote for featured articles>>>

Recently featured: YouTube Comments – The Battle of My Room – Bang and the dirt appears – The base for mental unhealth – Motel Trolls – IllogiNews:Man Born With Eight Faces Urinates Own Spine; Dies Aged 23 When Hit By Car – Is – Batchap

  Featured Article  Did You Know?

  • ... Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture?
  • ... that for every human there are nine chickens, but nobody gets to eat them because they're all in Saddam Hussein's freezer?
  • ... that going down a hill places it in terminal decline?
  • ... that I am who I am, because I am an Iams cat.
  • ... that sometimes...
    • ...that sometimes I think of [[<insert name here>|you]] at night.
  • ... that you are made up of trillions of tiny living creatures called cells, which when put under the microscope all look exactly like a tiny microbe version of you.
  • ... that if you find the secret guitar chord, you win the Game of Life?
    • ... incidentally, it's E7sus9 (Nth formation)
  • ... that mathematics is neither big nor clever, just irritating?
  • ... that I swear my toast just bit me?
    • ... oh no, the prophecies are true!
  • ... that WE'RE BACK BABY?!?!?!??!?
  • ... that Monday is so depressed it's technically an emo?
  • ... that yeast is technically alive?
    • ... ALIVE!?!??!!
      • ...Puts down piece of bread OH NO!
  • ... that I just called to say I love you?
  • ... that if there's a bustle in your hedgerow don't be alarmed now, it's just a spring clean for the May queen?
  • ... that you can be rest assured in the knowledge that years from now the former /b/tards will have life-shortening arthritis from typing LOLOLOLOLOLO LOLOLO LOL OMG OVER9000 too many times?
  • ... that fried bread + the square root of pie is an oxo cube sandwich?
  • ... that this those these thus?
  • ... that E = M.C. Hammer?
  • ... that X is the sum of all the equation's parts, while Y is a guilt-ridden bag of nerves?
  • ... that no one cares about copyright theft?
  • ... that scourge is the scourge of the galaxy?
  • ... that love counts as two of your five a day, and bitter soul-crushing loneliness is behind most scurvy cases?
  • ... that comas are an effective form of escapism?
  • ... that when the sky falls in on us Chicken Little won't have the last laugh because he's roasting at gas mark 7 in a pie?
  • ... that this isn't just a didyouknow, this is an M&S didyouknow?
  • ... that the Konami Code won't help you here, beeyatch?
    • ... though post-race scrutineering may well be of help?
  • ... that there is a fair chance you may catch a dispirited influenza if you run hard enough at a billboard?
  • ... that none of us has ever (well some of us have but anyway) and that's all there is to it?
  • ... that I have not written any of these did-you-knows (or maybe it was someone else who didn't do it)?
  • ... that as much as I can remember, there is always something in the hardware store that the postman and keep it simple?
  • ... that while you might have known some of this before, there is never a way you could make me believe you did?
  • ... that though Sigmand Freud may have had a thing for his mother, his facebook profile indicated that they were in fact just friends?
  • ... that the afterlife just consists of bored people sitting around watching review of the year shows?
  • ... that cactuses are leading the ambiguous join-the-dot genre in tattoos?
  • ... that if Fred has 2.5 miles to travel, and walks at a speed of 4 miles an hour with a wind resistance of 45 slowing him down to 3 mph for 0.5 of the journey he won't make it to school in time for the maths exam?
  • ... that to catch a criminal you must first think like a net?
  • ... that you get a dead rat boat rabbit in the grand piano now, with every purchase?
  • ... that I had a good Alzheimer's joke but I can't for the life of me remember it?
  • ... that the Grinch was convicted in absentia at Nuremberg of being an accomplice to Hitler Claus?
  • ... that there is a correlation between the prevalence of criminals in an area and local crime rates?
  • ... that something something something pun?
  • ... that the consumption Walkers crisps actually reduces your capacity to walk?
  • ... that Santie Claus now gives wind turbines to bad children?
  • ... that ... umm, like yeah?
  • ... that everybody knows it?
  • ... that I'm about to give you Sweet Chin Music? ~Taps chin rhythmically~
  • ... that German Sausage Dog's eat big sausages when they're born, which makes them shaped like a hot tasty sausage barmcake?
  • ... that the Oddity has no appendix?
  • ... That I Am the Walrus!?
  • ... That he really is the Walrus?
  • ... That a bird on the hand is worth considerably less than one in the bush, owing to their poor hand-job giving skills?
  • ... That I don't know much, ...but I know I love you?
  • ... That humans probably won't evolve wings in either of our lifetimes.
  • ... That by 2045 the internet will have been replaced by a giant omnipresent marrow?
  • ... that in the spring of 2046 said marrow will be destroyed by zealous Cornish farmers, desperate to ensure they alone win the best vegetable prize at that years village féte, thus dooming humanity forever?


More DYKs – Add your own >>>

  Forum  Talk about stuff and things

  Illogiblog  The Illogiblog

Damn you Roberto!
The aliens... they's a comin' for our servers! Grargh!
[?]
Illogi Classics - #24, Head hitting Illogicopedia
Crimeny, that time of the month again? By this, I mean to express my astonishment that the moment for another Illogicopedian Classic is upon us. Behold, the latest in a series celebrating classic Illogicopedia articles, and boy do we have a proper oldie for you today.



The early days of Illogicopedia were characterised by really bad one-liners, little experiments in pseudo-vandalism and jokes you wouldn't dare put in a Christmas cracker. Head Hitting Illogicopedia fits into all three of these categories rather nicely, and served as an early parody for the 'Editing Illogicopedia' page. Editing > head hitting, geddit? I'll bet you wish you didn't.

Note the article's placement within the Locigal category (highlighted in the above image), which was massively popular in the very early stages of the adult Illogicopedia. In case you didn't know, that's when it grew spots, armpit hair and a liking for toilet humour - around February 2007 for the completists. Incidentally, that's round about the time it flunked its driving test and smoked its first cigarette (an exploding one given to it by Bcbkye).

Though relatively weak, the pun was warmly received by a grand total of four users; its creator, Fluffalizer and two vandals. This was reflected in a tribute, Hitting Illogicopedia's Head, which extended the joke just that little bit further and squeezed what remaining life it ever contained.

Have you got the idea yet? Early Illogicopedia articles sucked were rather short and one-trick ponyish. Yes, I did just use the word 'ponyish' in a (semi-) serious context. Live with it.
[?]
Bring on (two thirds of) March, baby!
February sucked harder than the combined force of ten vacuum cleaners and Portsmouth FC, with pretty much half the month wiped out thanks to those blasted moles.

Barring a repeat performance, March is building up to be more promising. Not only is the world set to end subject to terms and conditions, always read label, but people are actually bothering to edit Illogicopedia again. Huzzah!

What's more, yesterday we welcomed a whole clutch of new users from who knows where, the biggest batch of newcomers since 1872 when Illogicopedia was paper-based and circulated amongst mental asylum patients (print run: 14). Say hello to them at playtime, because right now we're going to have a mental arithmetic test. Not really, I know you'd just cheat and use your computer's calculator accessory anyway, because I can read your mind like an open book. Or at least I would do if I could actually read.

Some of you may be interested to know we ended the long-running YouTube Comments saga this afternoon as the blasted thing was finally featured with a world record score of +11 (or was is +13?). For a limited time only, the article will be appearing on the Illogicopedia front page to sign autographs and various fleshy bits you wouldn't want your mother to see, so, erm, load up Illogico to see that if you haven't already.

Special:Randumb Page of the Week: Candle stub
Retro Page of the Week: The Editthis Hermit
Dead Person of the Week: Michael Jackson
[?]
Articles of 2009
Yes, I am well aware we're now into March and 2009 is but a distant memory, but remember: a whole two weeks of Illogical time were lost to the server outage at the beginning of last month. That's a whole fourteen days of black holeyness, hence stuff not happening!

In case you forgot (or just chose to ignore), we would like to inform you that voting on the Articles of 2009 is well underway. Users are free to vote for up to ten of last year's featured articles, and the ones with the most votes will win a completely meaningless, yet heart-warmingly satisfactory accolade: The Articles Which Illogicopedians Think Are the Best From the Year of 2009 (gasp).

Who will emerge victorious? Does anyone care? Tune in soon to find out. After all, it'll be fun! Maybe. But what can be better than sampling the best Illogicopedia has to offer, apart from maybe dipping your hand in warm treacle, or scratching that itch on the back part of your shin?

Vote now for cake!
[?]
  IllogiNews  In the News

Moooo
Anvil 3c.jpg
Heeeeeeeelp.jpg
Gentkeet.PNG
  Vandalpedia  Mindless sandalism

St hardwicks day.jpg

Happy St. Hardwick's Day!


Article whoring rules!

THIS IS AN ADVERTISEMENT

The spirit of Dadaism lives on in this 3,746 part magazine collection, to be completed by the year 3012. Buy Issue 1 now for the reduced price of just seven milk bottle caps!
ADVERTISEMENT ENDS

Old people, stomach ulcers and paedophiles smell really bad. I sense a connection.

Guess wut? Those livers got beaten by them thar wigs. Burleave it babay! Time for a FFFFARTY!!! YESSSSS!!

Wigs11dotcom.jpg

PARP! PARP! PARAPPA THE RAP-PARP!

Testostereich has a smelly bottom! Tee hee

Snow profit.png

Now see here Jimmy, this is no exponential function, if anything it's closer to logisitc. Either way, the average amplitude of the meridium proves slightly, wait, is that Shaun White? I need an autograph!

<<<<<@@@@@~~@@@~~@@@@@>>>>>

I would just like to take this opportunity to say 'fnurdlepoop'. -- Fnurr Dell 22:37, 15 Farbleum 2010 (UTC)


Brilliant, you found it? Aw thanks a bunch Dave, I'd been looking for that EVERYWHERE.

The square root of pie.PNG

...Billroy?

So you thought twiddling knobs was a profitable hobby did ya? Well, actually it is these days, what with the increasing number of blatant raging homosexuals. Dang it, I'm sure I could have communicated that more subtly.

I PROCLAIM IT TO BE SKATE DAY

Awww right, a SHOE!

Boing.PNG

So you wanna beat me at hide and seek do ya..


Every night I look up at the night's sky and dream of how great things will be in the future, when I have a wife, job, kids, and fat people to push over on tap. A very, very, big tap.

....

"Wow, look at the size of that!"

"Keep your voice down Billroy, loud noises anger the tap."

Life is a natural part of death. <<<< --- Truth.

[Scene: Kitchen]

Mom: Timmy, it's your turn to do the dishes.

Timmy: You can't be serious Mom. I did them last month!

Mom: Oh, I'm serious. Dead serious.

[Dies]

Timmy: Mommy? Yes, no dishes!

And so the tale of stupendous heroism ends with appreciation of buckets and their many uses, icluding strangling your mother

I AM THE LUNAR DEITY OF LUNAR DEITISM

Haha, I can vandalise your vandalism, parrot boy! ;)

I CAN VANDALISE. I AM SO COOL.

[Enters UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A]
[Giant monster comes and eats reader]

Internet Exploder exploded my gonads. OrLOL ANUS was that my underpants?

What the fork?
What the shinola?
Shark atlantic.jpg
Flying like a shark in the sky.


More... – Add your mad gibber >>>

  Languages  Don't speak the lingo? (Don't worry, we can't either)

You are currently reading the English language version of Illogicopedia. Started in 2007, it currently contains 6,484 pieces of junk known as articles. But did you know that Illogicopedia is available in a variety of other languages? Yep, and we're going to list them for you right now.

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