# Welcome to Illogicopedia,

the nonsensical encyclopedia that anyone can mess up.
7,599 articles in English, rien en français und nichts auf Deutsch.

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## Current Featured Article: [[Groarnge ]]

Groarnge is a colour typically associated with advanced internal bleeding and old cheese, but often relating to things as perverse and diverse as fungus and sand. Unlike most colours, groarnge is rarely mentioned in polite conversation, and is instead discussed when it comes up in a round about fashion in which people describe without actually mentioning the atypical colour.

Not that it ever does. Come up, that is.

([[Groarnge

Recently featured: Recently featured: A murder of cowsPorcelain TheocraciesChildhood RealizationsMy refrigerator and I speak occasionallyMicro$oft Window$Dear John letterBelching hyenas

## Last Quarter's Featured Article: The Green Ball (Uncensored Version) (hover to show)

SCENE 1 EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET – DAY

Wide shot: street, slow zoom in, with children playing. It's a bright and sunny day. Yes, the setting of this story is actually quite pleasant.
Narrator: “"And so begins the day when children play, to fill their spouts with honey and clay. But will it end in the exact same way? Or for our heroes, be it their last day...?"
It won’t be of course, since it’s not real.
Camera stops zooming in. Kids stop playing and look at the camera.
Narrator: The writer could make the characters invincible if he wanted. Besides, the writer prefers doing happy endings… what? Oh sorry, I’ll keep quiet.
Camera starts to zoom in again. Kids continue to play.
Narrator: “The tale begins on Hallowe'en down at a conspicuous police department…

## Seemed like a good idea at the time

Shumpy? Chumpy? ChumpyxShumpy? Lumpy dancing? NO. Yes, mañana.

Klutzy, get me a sandwich.

That comes with soup or salad, radiation or callouses, prickly heat or alpaca sweat, pasta, Canadian space alien biers and carrot cake. Would you like to order now, or go back to Hell?

“Hell is other people”
~ the French on absinthe mint jello shots and bacon

The value of an object lies inside each collector's eyes.

A-hahh! Bungle Bonce.

The only practical solution was to use an armored car to transport donor cells, fecal microbiota transplantation for fulminant Clostridium difficile infection in an allogeneic stem cell transplant patient. Solve for x.

Nigerian oil contains antimony. More at 5. Do not wait for me. I am an electric ape rainbow who vomits out of his eyes. This is Paddy O'Irishman reporting from the Guinness plant. Millions of chaps are descending upon the grave of our great and final king, King Shaun of the Great River Liffey, who has found my hat! TOP HAT MAKES MAN. kthxbye. This is not a joke free mystery Guinness scam for plot of got of wot, tally ho? No! This is a tribute to James Joyce who died for the Egg Almighty and a dead pope. He did not see the rake, so he wrote Ulysses. Then he found a time machine and went to the future and found LSD and magic mushrooms and wrote Finnegans Wake! Then he died of cancer mad cow disease and fish. YOU LOSE NOW GO HOME AND THIS IS CAPTAIN CAPS REPORTING FROM SPAAAAAACE! Pong ping plop bleep blip blop blup blimp blump blank blink blunk bloop! Find the key to this riddle and I'll give you a ring.

Dude! It's Sinitta, not Cynita. Said Catherine Jones.
Cynita, WHY did you TRICK us?
Cynita, you THOUGHT you could FOOL us.
Cynita, we're SMARTER than THAT.
Cynita, you'd better watch your back wash your back drive the Germans back.

Would you stand by while a bushfire raged?

This week, Super Japanese paralympians infiltrated the International Society of Transgendered Satanists on the grounds of coffee from Indonesia. A rather nice blend, with a crazy caffeine content, fit for royalty. Why royalty? Better to ask, "who pooped in the piano?"

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A lot of things, you racists!

Zeeky boogy doog!

Some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door last week. They looked like Godzillas, and the license plate read "I8NY".

Retard facts:

A just desert can also be a platitude.
Eating an iceberg cranks yarbouten fogniscates.
Density ground gallows fnorele-thought repeating knoedel bounce.
Election to gather wool, fittings were urgently leavened.

The wheels on the insanity bus go round and round,
Round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the insanity bus go round and round,
And so does muscle man's mom.

Last week in Massachusetts, six evangelical Christians were variously insulted and blasphemed at, all for knocking on the doors of random strangers.
Is Ranch Dressing sauce?

How many roadz must a man wok down before he smoakes queef up a strand?

Why did the tree fall on the monkey?

Eep!
So, I always thought that "pilates" was the plural of "pilate", as in Pontius Pilate. It seemed silly to me that somehow you could get into shape by somehow invoking two or more Pilates. I figured that if one of them was Pontius himself, all the better. <Spell checker wants me to replace "Pontius" with "Pontiac">

It takes an awfully dumb robot to want the job of simulating illogical gibbering for this wiki. "Beep beep... boop".

The ceaseless bleeping, so high pitched I think it may summon the Bat-lord, seems to be from the general direction of that dust mite-like creature. How do you, sir?

Catnap almost rhymes with Enolatnap. This is why the cookie crumbles. Patriarchies tend towards conservatism. This is where the cookie crumbles.

As the donner achieved optimal angular momentum, ablations sparked and hooted across the viewscreen with abandon. The heat! It was getting hotter! Oh, wonderful reentry calculations, fondling the edges of epitaxial depositions with their subtle and beguiling ways.

Halloween is just around the corner. Get your cat costumes now.
Just at the anticlimactic moment of the film, when the werewolf turned into a pile of ribbon candy over there in the corner, the entire contingent of Dutch Royal Marines sat down to craft EMP macrame owls. Then, of course, the baby started crying, ruining the event for everybody. By the time we got to the fourth prank call to the deli down the street, deer were inhabiting the cities. Say, is that coffee still warm?
Eating noodles today, a callous Precept occluded his navel by way of ham. The call went out to the countryside: "Bacon! Bacon! Does anybody gots any bacon?" Irregardless, folks around these parts being generous and savage, a curried favor gathers no floss.

Wrinkle-free cotton-silk blends of lactating bonobos were reticent to employ violence against defective television sets. Italian cold cuts will be served.

Hey, anyone remember the good old days when--
(cut off)
DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS BLAAAAAARGH!!!

Because the passage above proves that all you need to be funny is a reference to an overused internet meme.

“God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?”
~ Unknown

Curved in tinny little spicules, other dimensions lurk. Lost in their delusions previous sparkles work,

Laboring to cancel
The debt that tugs our forecastle.

"Why don't I just kill myself?" asks Murderface. Not yet, not yet... just to piss you off.

In Turkey, birthplace of the English language, you cannot get a coffee with ranch dressing. Other than that, there was an element of Kurds and weigh underfoot. Battlestar Galactica.

Jack said that he wanted to rob the place, but we talked him out of it. Instead, he set himself on fire and scared some nuns.

Many popular authors suggest possibility that mysterious sites around the world were created with help of advanced knowledge and technology (possibly more advanced than our current one) possessed by lost civilizations. Others do not believe that there ever was very advanced civilization on earth and all of the superb knowledge was handed down to us by ancient astronauts who came down from heaven. Most scientists do not subscribe to any of these ideas and try to explain ancient enigmas on the ground of religion and ritual.

In this discussion, we shall assume that aliens from Khripsara defeated the New England Patriots at rock-paper-scissors-thermonuclear device in 1877. Further, tacky little art deco tattoos on Regirim's Philbin's face made the popcorn go gray. Grim statistics indeed.

• Alpacas!

Illogicopedia wiki project is to create a repository of words in in any order frenzy. We monarch you! We are the best! I is well suited to believe that the editor of certain writers of the human being in order to find the words and expectations to qualify considering inclusion, it is interesting in the infinite, other people "one of the babblings of you interesting people with the purpose which is the standard means that could not be princes or subjective, we we would not have to be prose read here you are , interesting. Is that you!

I am the translator of the best word in English until now!

A PUBLIC CERVIX ANNOUNCEMENT FROM NURSE RATCHED AND STAFF: Unwise application of Original Bug automobile parts to your 500+ horsepower Mazda may result in termination of snout privileges. God is watching you, disguised as a sandwich.

All your peas in one pocket,
Yardarms asunder with blight.
Smell is never to be taken for granted.
Oh, is that the front porch light?
Henri grabbed a box of fudge decimally
only to refute Descartes
with a sullied blender.

Guinea Pigs fear and obey the longest article as a matter of principle. It was for this purpose that great houses of worship were erected on every continent. There is even a covert redoubt on Mars, manned by cryogenically preserved sick people and geezers. One retiree even received a complimentary set of decorator crabs, and a shiny medal with grass on it.

The ankle-biters tagged along, gaily nipping away at the poor footies on innocent pilgrims on the road to the Dwarf Fortress. Finally, having passed through the Mountains of Travail, the Third Bishop remarked casually, if uneventfully, that the rains had brought a much-needed ensconcement to the countryside. Carved in all it's adamantine glory, the precipice will not falter.

File Nucleonic Power in your pipe, and smoke it.

There has been entirely too much salami this week. Please reduce coldcut orders by 65%, or risk Italian singers to inundate the harbor.

On March 4, Anna Nichole Smith was reincarnated as a vulture.

Bilge pump, oh fleeting bilge pump! I invoke thine intercession on my dog's behalf to give us a nice spring day for the Feast of Saint Alphonso. Gladden our loins with hackles of smelt, and roundly defeat our enemies with Kentucky whiskey.

Living on a barge has it's perks... Santorum, for instance.

Jesus is here, and he's belching.

Martusse performed his usual dazzling food arithmetic before God and Satan, with no regard for the truth of the matter. Or energy, for that matter. The beer was Dutch, the lobster from Maine and fugu tank-grown in Okinawa.

It's a static line of Saarin plied between 5 razors, and then you spit. Bubbles form on the inner edges, but you don't care, you just keep shoring up the beech head until it's time for dinner.

Knocking about on a Saturday morning, up to no good, Yancy fanciedan y

dsertfet ahhhjn peoplle ar typing for m,e sddorry. he did picket a sick frigate paddling ostentatiously toward the Pagoda of Backupu Redundancy.

Today is Kerbit's Day, and in honor of such a panoply, we at Illogicopedia wish our brethren and sisteren of the Holy Apostolic Multidimensional Church of the Half-Buried Truths. To everybody else, we suggest ingesting, imbibing and otherwise consuming things and stuff that make you happy. When the pump stops, please extinguish all smoking materials and dog-pile on your comfy mattress until the train comes to full stop.

qazwsxedcrfvtgbyhnujmik,ol.p;/[']\|}"?{:>PL<OKMIJNUHBYGVTFCRDXESZWAQ~ ROLLING MY HEAD ON THE KEYBOARD!!!

As Boudica nuzzled her orange kitty face against the upper edge of my laptop, hobbled-goblins emerged from the hills across the frozen tundra, mile after mile, sifting flour deviously and with expressions of derision on their gaunt, leathery faces. Olaf the Redolent of Onion was, as usual, out of step with the rest of the horde, and whistling the Lithuanian national song of gloating, but this in step with his brethren.

The following message brought to you by dreadfully unfunny. EVERYDAY IM SHUFFLING

As a further proof of concept, shiny duct tape can be expressed as follows:

$\{x: x\ \mathrm{is\ an\ even\ prime}\}\,\!$
$\{x: x\ \mathrm{is\ a\ positive\ square\ root\ of}\ 4\}\,\!$
$\{2\}\,\!$

The resultant expression is in no way similar to lactation.

"Clink!" went the glasses, narrowly avoiding fatal collision due to intoxication of glass pilots.

...so then, Barry pointed up the street and said, "Up at the third set of lights, that's Adams Street. Take a right and just before the end of the block, on your left, you'll find the Catechism Monkey Building." Unfortunately, Barry was holding a bag of freshly scooped doggie poops in the same hand which he used to gesture down the street, facilitating directions and simultaneously waving said malodorous package under the nose of the directions asker... porpoise?

Meh berd is cooler than wrowbawttzq. Meh berd has always been cooler than wrowbawttzq. And, most of all, wrowbawttzq is always doomed to be inferior to meh berd with respect to coolishness. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's things that need stuff done to them. Bedelato 03:10, 18 Jeremy 2012 (UTC)

I jizzed in my pants.

I was walking through the city streets, and a man comes up to me and hands me the latest energy drink. "Run faster, jump higher!" Man, I'm not gonna let you poison me! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! You must think I'm a joke! I ain't gonna be part of your system! Man, pump that garbage in another man's veins!

I go to my favorite hot dog stand, and the dude says, "You come here all the time! Here's one for free." I said, "Man, what do I look like? A charity case?" I took it, and THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! I don't need your handouts! I'm an adult, please! You can't buy me, hot dog man!

At the farmer's market with my so-called girlfreind, she hands me her cellphone, says it's my dad. Man, this ain't my dad! This is a cellphone! I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!!! Whatcha think, I'm stupid? I'm not a part of the system! My dad is not a phone! DUH!

Some poser hands me cake at a birthday party. Whatcha want me to do with this, eat it? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND!!! I threw the rest of the cake too! Welcome to the real world, jackass!

So many things to throw on the ground, like this and this and that and even this! I'M AN ADULT!!!

Two Hollywood phonies try to give me their autograph. GROUND!!! Nobody wants your autograph, phonies! Then the two phonies got up, turned out they had a tazer, and they tazed me in the butthole! I fell to the ground! The phonies wouldn't let up, tazin' on my butthole over and over! I was screaming and squirming, my butthole was on fire! The moral of the story is, you can't trust the system. Man! ~[ths] Keeper of the Bloodwine 19:27, 12/22/2011

# I AM SAILING! I AM SAILING! THROUGH THE OCEAN!!!!! I AM SAILING!!!!!!

THIS IS STUPID, ROD STEWART LYRICS DO NOT QUALIFY FOR A SECTION HEADER!!! Sincerely, islandmonkey - TALK TO MAH 15:38, 22 Ditzimber 2011 (UTC)

So, I was getting groceries the other day, and this woman walks up to me and asks, "is this where you go for a bucket of swine flu?" And I thought, this woman must be nuts, when providentially I was struck down hard by a towering display of cashews. Then the commotion started down at the far end, when the freezer cases are, and some Cambodian family was transmuting ice cream into gold. A crowd began to gather, both around me and my mess, and the Khmer alchemists, and I thought, "we're not talking Cecil B. DeMille, here. Space aliens didn't land 47 kilometers south of Paris in 1066 by coincidence."

A snarky fellow with an ill-fitting overcoat at once came into view, just as Gilgamesh was an epic and grandstanding idiots with recessive tails and slow thinking pilchard followers approach the singularity.

Stop looking at your watch! Rick Keyer forbids it.

Humanist propaganda contains the seeds of mutation coddling. Thus, Che Guevara was formed.

So, when in history did exposed womens' breasts become such a big deal? I mean, really.

When a shoe doesn't fit no more, is it a shoe? Or an ornament? Or even a solid leather pocket unattatched to your pants? I had some pants once. They were great. But instead I have to wear shoes to compensate. Well, I would if the bloody shoe fit!!!! Ho ho ho! Gawd elp mi!

“You, sir, are incorrect.”
~ Reginald Mordling on why the left elbow is crucial
The worst thing about the naughties was that you never got a good look down that woman's top.
Starry, starry Francis.
Aid epoc igol-- NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART!

THIS IS THE TALE, OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

PIRATE SO BRAVE, OF THE SEVEN SEAS!
MYSTICAL QUEST, TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA

RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN BREEZE!!!
Paragraph 7 states that any and all orders from ChatIntZyulcUtreXmall must be routed through the gefilte filter. I CANNOT OVERSTATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS. IGNORE AT PERIL OF UNEMPLOYMENT!

“...over a one-celled Hammond organizm...”
~ Frank Zappa on revised movement of the diaphragm.

OG Stuttgart Klackon! Mrrshan Diplomacy! grimaced as it bore it's 7000 kilogram load down the narrow corridor leading to the docks. Froogybeasts littered the path, skittering primarily thither into the twilit corners, where rampart extensions jutted onto the common folk spaces. Lazarus tumbled down a three stair flight tramshackle over the OG's head and splattered to a halt abruptly with fogey intent. It was at this point that the grapes began to ripen, and all heaven set itself in order.

That was the Night of the Sofa, a memorable occasion made so by such as those who can't remember their own names half the time, and can't sing the other half. The latter didn't matter so much, since the caliber of the compositions themselves were manifestly divine. A dog will not call you The Chrome Dinette, no matter how hard you try.

The United Nations recently banned "Frunobulax Poop" as a weapon of mass disgust, foremost in a list of 54 disgusting substances. Others include Klezmer, pureed rodents, santorum and owl pellets.

And you know who else will vandalize my mainpage? MMMY MOM!!!

The Illogicopedia War of the English and Americans is heating up again.

It says, "Add your mad gibber here", as though it's obvious. Is it your mad gibber they are really after? What it they'd misspelled "gibbons"? What if they're really looking for gibbons, trying to build a gibbon army, with which to subdue the forces of wisdom and light? Then where would we be?

EWxceeed action or the article that wrote itself happened during a freak storm, when waterspouts dotted the Colorado landscape everywhere higher than 77 feet above sea level. Legumes were brought in from adjacent states for morale purposes, but the enemy was in sight. Run!

Arses!
This guy stole my Texan patron saint!

"That is sorta mental", she thought, while combing the Baconaise out of her hair. Bits of bacon kept flying off, like errant toenails from a booger-eating spaz. She thumbed through grainy black and whites of old-timey cars and filigreed PVC piping. Under the sink, leeches simmered in the lobster pot, briny in a sauce of strained carrots, sea salt, fatback, tumeric, crickets and white wine.

This is what waits in your closet at night.

Shortly after the introduction of the Lossy cheese integrator, the Gainy cheese integrator surpassed all expectations of potatoe-headed Bombay.

...so, she sneezed in the middle of her trumpet solo! It was hilarious! Snot actually flew out of the bell!

When Dracula lost his arm, he was quite upset. I could hear him clear across B deck by the docking array. Principles signaled Earth for instructions, since vampires in space were not covered in the manual. Snickering, the gringo said, "Where's all the white women at?".

WHAT IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN NUMBERS ARE WEIRD.

An Inconvenient Chicken pulsates deeply in the Earth, biding its time, waiting for the next opportunity to wreak havoc upon all humans. Only by the intercession of the banana god will we be saved. ?pedians will get directions to emergency inconvenient chicken fallout shelters in their email. Others will perish under the chickeny smiting.

A song once said "Strange days, have found us. Strange days, have tracked us down." Well, I'm not one to doubt that song. These are some strange days if The Idiotical.com has suddenly become funnier than Illogicopedia.

Luckily, that's not likely to happen anytime soon... *shifty eyes*

Some of us ought to have our poetic licenses revoked.

“I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MAI EARLOBES BACK AND FORTH”

~The Ferengi version of "Whip My Hair" by Willow Smith 

Good Versus Evil: Battle For The Banana Cheese.

AID EPOC IGOLLI IS ACTUALLY UNCYCLOPEDIA SPELLED BACKWRDS!!!
AND AID EPOL CYCNU IS ACTUALLY...UM...EH?

There is a dark presence, lingering in the background, waiting to eat our souls...

Hercules traded salad forks in the Middle East during his tenure as baritone spambot. Pictures of his ants were uploaded to the Rogue Elementals Wiki during the Quaker Rebellion of 1895.

She made me a burger that looked like it was cooked in 1699.

$\frac \frac{I = Eggman}{They = Eggmen} \frac{I = Walrus}{Goo^2 ga joob}$

Incidentally, we were thinking of tearing out the filigree from the nauseatium.

Look, a salamander!

eeeerrefeftrtrfeeeee

...oh my.

honk.
HONK.
honk.
HOOOOOONK. :o)
real friendlike of you to be droppin by.
HONKhonkHONKhonk.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm about to give away the answer to Illogicopedia's biggest secret! The answer to what Aid Epoc Igolli means is-- BLAM!

We are sorry, but This user was about to give away Illogicopedia's biggest secret. Do not worry, however, there will be no more killings.
Okay, here I go. The answer to Aid Epoc Igolli is-- BLAM!
Once again, we admins could not allow this to happen, we are sorry for your loss.`
Okay, I won't tell you the secret to Aid Epoc Igolli. But, by the way, it is merely Illogicopedia backwards! Ha! I said it! What are you going to do about me now, admi-- BLAM!
Really, all it means is "blam". Trust me, I'm an admin. —rms talk 17:49, 2 Ergust 2011 (UTC)
I'll never trust you, NEVER!!! You killed my father!!! 17:59, 08/2/2011

You just scrolled down to the bottom of this list of nonsense.

## This month's featured writer

Like many an Illogicopedian, Sir Frosty is a child of Uncle Pete, with the bonus feature of being an admin on there. Yet, despite his shared duties, good ol' Frosty still manages to be one of the most active editors on Illogicopedia, dispelling the nonexistent myth that ?Pedia users cannot multitask. Some of this fine fellow's feats so far include creating a page, writing under the influence of alcohol, unleashing edit conflict and embarking on a journey towards the sun. Frosty also takes home the additional honour of being the first person to win IOTM in exactly a year. Huzzah!

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