Lolcow (Russian: Москва́, romanised: Lolskvol) is the capital and largest city in the Russian Federation. With over 10 million people, it has one of the largest metropolitan centres in the world. Many people go to Moscow to drink fine Russian vodka, make love to Russian ladies, and then wake up the next day with a massive hangover and discovering that the girl beside you got uglier over night.
Moscow was first discovered by a famous explorer from France, who was actually a wheel of Brie cheese. Francias la Douche (pronounced "Franseeas la doosh". French for "Francias the Shower") explored greater parts of Eastern Europe and finally discovered the Moskva River, and decided to make a settlement there. The settlement thrived until Francias was eaten by his guard, because the guard "didn't eat breakfast". The city then went into a huge civil war between the Francias-lovers and the People Who Forgot to Eat Breakfast (P.W.F.E.B). The P.W.F.E.B won the civil war, and then decided to abolish the French way of life and create a monarchy-style government, and create a new language, which is now known as Russianish.
Although Russia is seen as a cold country, Moscow is one of the most warmest cities in Europe, with temperature in the summer reaching above 45 degrees Celsius (well over 100 degrees Faireinheight, you damn Americans). Moscovites can live in almost any climate, due to their tough skin and the ability to drink large amounts of alcohol.
Typical Moscovites love to eat, drink, and be oh so merry. A typical Friday night in Moscow consists of you wearing your best knock-off Dolce and Gabbana shirt, gelling your hair, and going to the disco club. You drink as much as you can, and take a strange yet sexy woman home, and you then the following morning consists of not waking up until 2:00PM and having a massive hangover. When Moscovites are not drunk, they eat. Borscht, perogies and other fine Russian foods are eaten, all with served with five heaping teaspoons of sour cream. Many Moscovites die at a young age due to their high intake of sodium, sugars, and trans-fats.
Moscow is a diverse city, but since everyone in the city is either drunk, eating, or sleeping, no one works, and therefore Moscow makes no money.
The current mayor of Moscow, Vladimir Vladimirovitch Vladimiristan, believes that Moscovites should always be drunk. Many people do not agree with this, so therefore the city is holding it's first election in 5 years (due to everyone being lazy and not getting up). Vladimiristan's biggest opponant is Yosef Yosefovitch Yosefik, a man from Belarus who has recently became a Russian citizen, and believes that Moscovites should always eat and sleep. Many people think this will be a thrilling election, but only if more than 10 people come out and vote.