IllogiNews:Lots of stuff crashed today

This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

WORLDWIDE, today.

Yes, stuff is crashing all around the world. whether it's cars, boats, airplanes, tanks, or pretty much anything else, stuff is crashing. It doesn't even matter if it crashes into something else or crashes on its own. Sometimes it's an accident, Sometimes it's intentional. Sometimes it's lethal, sometimes it's fatal. Heck, sometimes it's even fun! Stuff is crashing all over the world!

CRASH #1

FLORIDA, 6:00 a.m.

Two cars crashed at the speed of light today. They hit each other so hard they merged together and became one.

two cars merging to become one.

The fused car escaped the scene, leaving nothing of the crash behind but a trail of scrap. This scrap burst through the tires of another car, causing another crash. This crash has been called a car sandwich, and has been regarded as "slightly crunchy".

A crunchy car sandwich.

CRASH #3

GREAT BRITAIN, 9:00 a.m.

An ice cream truck advertized "FREE ICE CREAM" today.

Free ice cream was to blame for such a tragity.

Drivers swerved to get their free ice cream. However the ice cream truck was going above the speed limit. So all the cars crash.

CRASH #4

CRASH!!!!

ILLOGILAND, 12:00 p.m. A cable car went up a mountain. Then a pigeon pecked the wire. And then the cord snapped. And then many people died. Be on the lookout for rouge pigeons.

CRASH #5

IN THE ILLOGINEWS STATION, right now. There was also a crash right now, here where I am standing, at this exact moment, here, about *tick tick tick* now-ARRRGHHH! *newsperson dies*