Catch a thief
Never anybody thief me, they don't. They did catch them quick, me would. Rip eye from socket, not fast. Thief me, my things bite. Circus sawdust, thief eat. Baloney breakfast, his due. Try me thief, feel sleepy?
 HowTo:Catch a Thief
Set up a cage like one of those squirrel traps, where the thief sees something inside that he thinks he wants but it is leaning on top of a lever. The thief, just a touch smarter than a squirrel but not even close to a raccoon's brain, lifts the thief-bait up and the doors to the cage snap-shut. One thief bottled up.
 Who the thief be?
Unmask the thief. Dad?
 Why?:Dad be thief
"I'm leaving your mother, son, and wanted your things."
 Damn the thief!
"Damn you, Dad."
 Thief fights back
 Never underestimate a thief
"Give me back my glass eyes, motherfucker. Or I'll rip you a new one."
So the roundly story continues as Dad refuses to give Son back his glass eye, and Son rips Dad a new one, all the time yelling "Motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker". Dad's new one turns out to be a perfect size to stuff in things lying about, and in goes an umbrella stand, a watch, and a hearty chunk of meat from the cork-freezer, while all the while Son yelling "Motherfucker, motherfucker, motherfucker" like a one-track minder. Dad smiles, admires his new one, and daydreams delights, unfingered for the moment.