An announcement for all you old fogies
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Oh hi. We're The Funeral Guys. If you want to insure your death, come with us. We'll give you a life subscription to the Daily Mail and a free walking stick to beat a young passer-by. Fortunately, it only costs the average person £999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999!! That's a very good deal. And no medical questions. You can also get a free Garmin sat nav worth £150!
“These idiots stole my pension!”
“I'm 74 and I hate everyone. They made me hate my own wife!”
“They stole £20 from his grave so he could pay his last premium!”
 Medical questions
- Are you still alive? No ghosts allowed.
- Are you an angry Daily Express reader?
- Do you ramble to yourself?
- Do you drive 40mph on motorways?
- Do you wear a flatcap?
- Can you actually see this?
- Do you think this is a typewriter?
 Terms and conditions
- *Official name Orange Palava Services Ltd.
- **For 25 years only, because the Guru knows when you're gonna die!
- ^Not applicable if you fail any of the medical questions.